Haish it's one of those days again where I need someone to slap me hard in the face. Like "reality slaps you in the face" kind of thing. I am too easily touched? I am too nice? I can't bear to say no? They are all true I guess.....

"Who do you see in the future as being the one initiating the breakup? Do you think this is serious? Do you really think you can last? Would you stay forever? Through NS? Through your BMT + OCS? Through uni? Do you really think he's the one?" I. Don't. Know. (But isn't it stupid to date for 'experience' I don't even believe in that sort of logic.)

If I feel as though I have direction in my life, my life compass has gone haywire lately. 5 year plans? 10 year plans?? I FEEL SO OLD. In 5 years I will be 24 aka ideal age to get married; 10 years to have a child because I'll be like, 29, omg that's even older. But what about career??? House? Education? Relationship? I have 5 years to build a directional one hah what even. I don't even think people these days care so much about family planning, I mean, compared to career pursuits. The government must love me because I really wish to have a family instead of being so work oriented hahaha I don't know man. With marriage comes responsibility but before marriage comes a whole lot of problems I must solve which I have absolutely zero idea where to start or how to solve them more like. Why do I care so much why am I worrying so much isn't fate already predetermined haha I shouldn't try so hard. Buttt, do or do not, there is no try. I need direction and security - and not just for/from myself.

In other news, working sucks. But I shall blog about it in a nicer way on my nicer blog. Meh.

Too many problems in my life and too much insecurity. Don't leave me. // Please stay. // Promise me we'll make it through. Promises don't last haha oh well we are all alone in this world anyway.