Ohgod. I think my phone has a problem. I always update my blog from my phone but now it won't work!! ZZZ this is why I soo want an iPhone! ):< Shit man, I'm freaking tired these days. Maybe I shouldn't go for shooting everyday, too tiring. But I guess cause of box and papaya... Ohwells, suddenly I'm so damn sad and angry. I haven't finish homework. Damn. Hey. Ufo. Kthxbye.

Yay my blog is dead ): I'm so busy I don't have time to update anymore ): But since many people love to read my blog, I shall :D
Shooting is superduper fun beyond words. The best sport everrrr! Its more than just taking a gun and shooting :P We went for dinner last Friday at Adam Road Food Centre (: With Eunice, Avril, Samuel, Marcus, Daniel and iforgotwhatshername :X Hehe it was yummy (: I love shooting ttm <3 <3 <3
I got Nike shoes on Sunday (: Orangey and pretty (: Haha list three most expensive things on me: Handphone, Spectacles, Shoes :P
I'm tired. Goodnight <3 Wan an <3 Selamat malam <3

If I'm naive, I shouldn't be in a relationship. I don't WANT to be in one. I am TOO YOUNG. I don't love my friends in THAT way. Wtf I know how and where to draw the line. I love my friends, that's all. I'm not desperate for love. I am patient. I don't know many things. I'm not nice. I like my nice friends. I'm not ready to fall in love, so STFU IDGAF.

And maybe, you might've been wrong somewhere, somehow but really, nobody can ever replace the love I have for you. Family love and friendship love are two different things. Besides, he is only another person who sees me in another way. Not every single way. And yes, my feelings are still confused. Friendship love is temporary, family love is forever. Besides, this might only be puppy love. We might never know. I'll wait for true love someday. Dont worry, don't be afraid to lose me, we all have to learn how to let go someday.
If you love somebody, let them go. If they love you too, they'll come back to you.

Have I ever suffered from depression? I don't know, but I'm happy now. I don't know if I would die soon, just be happy for me.
YanYu, thankyou for being my first friend in JH102 (: You're special cause you know what I'm going through. I'll miss you (:
Deming rawr!! :D You're so privilaged to be the first person I told (: I love you Deming (in a sibling way) :P You're the brother I never had (: I'll miss you loads (:
YanYu, thanks so much for telling me that I'm loved (:
Deming, thankyou for always being there for me and encouraging me. You mean a lot to me (: I'm not strong. I think I'll cry again when i read your msgs (: But for sure, I'll write a poem for you (: Rawr on kor ^^

I'm not crazy,
He's not ugly,
You EASTER EGG!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEMING! :D :D :D

Everything is so screwed today.

Today is the start of A levels.
Today is the release of Shooting results.
Today is Leadership Camp day.
Today is such a bad day.

He did't talk to me. You might as well get foxed with someone else right?
I didn't receive any msg. I didn't get into Shooting?
I don't think I did well for Leadership Camp. I was very tired. I wasn't outstanding. I don't think I'll get into Junior Council. Maybe I'll try for Senior Council next time. Kk says campaigning is very easy O:  But are the interviews and speeches easy?

Yes, I've changed. Better or worse? To each its own. I think you're eating up every single piece of sanity left in me.

Cause this is deja vu~
Today, I became closer to my long time ago maple friend, ArpieForeva (: And forgotten by my long time ago maple bf, IcEbAnKaI ): But it doesn't matter anw (: I like my kor :D Haha three days after this is his birthday :D Teehee so I shall wish him in advance :D HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY KOR!! ^^ Haiz, reminds me of Kangkiat /: Just one year older... And no, I swear, I shall not fall for you, Deming. And it seems to me that I trust Kangkiat and Deming more than I trust most people I meet in real life...

Thanks for helping me 'help' you (: I don't know why I'm so determined to help you. Maybe its cause I wanna talk to you more. Maybe I'm the one who's crazy afterall. I just wish you'd spend more time with me. To you, I'm probably nothing but a stand-in friend. But to me, you're half my world. And for once, that 'goodnight' I've been waiting for never came. I shouldn't be disheartened though. You've never really cared about me anyway. I wonder why I do. And yet, you're still the sun in my life shining bright and strong. Take care.

You're right, liars suck. But everyone lies right? I don't know how to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. And I don't dare ask you. It seems as though you just talk to me when you have nobody else. I thought I was your friend. Friends shouldn't be dumped. And yet, I still feel happy when you talk to me like once a month. And yet I still feel happy when I have to be the one to start and end the conversation. And yet I still feel happy when you reply me with to words. And somehow, I feel your pain.

Haha ok :)
How come?

And yet, you've thought me patience, happiness, and how to treasure friends.

Okay, I wouldn't have updated my blog anytime soon but since maple didn't work (YES I AM ADDICTED TO MAPLE AGAIN :D), I shall update~

This week was kinda boring. So yeahh, on Tuesday was Arts Appreciation. And I skipped half of it cause I had diarrhea >< stoopid ): But after four hours, I was quite okay (: Half the class went macs at KAP O.o Then after that I went shooting (: YAY!

Wednesday... OH! Jolene gave me maple ^^ I played a lot (: THANKYOU JOLENE! And we had GA performance (: I think it was fun (: I still remember the Oasis dance :D

Thursday... PT in the morning ): Sacrifice my sleep. My legs still hurt till now. All for the sake of shooting. I wore orange Lignum tee for PT. Kiran and John ignored me ): And today school ended at like 10am?! (I played maple afterwards. Last day of school ): Last day of boarding ): It was GPA Day anyway ): Stupid ): I feel so stupid ):

PSLE: 281
Term 1: 4.09
Term 2: 4.02
Term 3 & 4: 3.78
Overall: 3.87

WHAT THE HELL MAN. "I will work harder." - Boxer, Animal Farm

Haizz I have absolubtely 0% happiness... But still, I shall write ): Monday, we had a freaking 5 hour long cyberwellness talk ): It was boring ttm. But I got to see orange mango anyway. So, skip to the fun part. I went shooting today (: Yeahh well I sucked. Either me or the gun's fault. More of my fault I think. On my way there I saw the 01 guys playing outside the dance studio LOL (: Did they see me? Anyways, at shooting Kah Eng, Kai Min, Wen Ying, Chuan An, Eunice, terra-shirt-pistoler-guy and some other seniors came (: Teehee Kah Eng was talking about commitment. Like how much passion and stuff do you have for shooting (: And actually monday was really a total baaad day for me ): Haiz, Shooting and Junior Council can't mix... Then how? Sure have to quit one. And its impossible to quit Council cause well yeahh they don't allow... So that means I would have to quit shooting and I'm like NO WAYYY! I'm this close to getting into ARG and then Council is gonna kick me ou of it?!?! No way! You know what, I secretly hope I won't get into Council >< UNLESS they will allow me to continue shooting (: Torn between two...

I'm so freaking tired okay. Mentally, physically, spiritually whatever! I can't take it anymore. You don't just come into my life, mess with it, and walk out. What the hell man... So damn pissed and upset and emo and tired!!! Zzz thanks a lot. I can't think of anything else besides you. Great. I really don't know what to do. I'm just gonna dao you. I can't take it anymore. Life's freaking bad now. I have nothing to say. I don't even know what to do when I see you. I don't even know what to say if I were to sms you now. Things have changed. We're all different people now. We can't go on pretending like everything's fine. I cant bear to speak to you anymore. You don't even seem to want so speak to me. Yeahh, speaking to your pillow is probably better too. Fine, then be it. Talk to me as if expecting no reply. What the hell. Treat me like shit. Here goes the Fault Talk again... I'm sorry its my fault. I should have known better. I won't do that again. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And yet, even after that, things wouldn't change for the better. Obviously. I have absolubtely no mood to talk to anyone anymore. I feel like continuously ranting about whatever crap I've been saying. I'm so damn tired. And upset. You didn't remember what significance yesterday was. You didn't remember! And when you came, you didn't even make an effort to talk to me. Obviously now I don't want to talk to you. You know how rejected I feel? Well if you had a brother then you'll know how I feel when you did that to me. And its not okay. I'm not okay. Can't believe somebody like you would fall for such lies. Gullible. Well anyways, goodnight.

1. I love you, you love me
2. Is there another third party?
3. After all that we've been through
4. Is it even worth fighting for you?
5. Never have I ever felt this way
6. There's nothing left to say
7. There's nothing left for you and I
8. Is this the final goodbye?
9. Maybe I'm too blind to see
10. Maybe I'm just not ready
11. Why do I even keep trying?
12. When it always ends up with me crying?
13. Should I even cry for you?
14. When I've cried for others too
15. And I'm tired of being all alone
16. And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
17. If we ever meet again
18. I hope I wont have to go through all this pain
19. Because maybe
20. You're gonna be the one that saves me
21. If there's nothing left for me to do
22. Why am I still here with you?
23. Its tearing up my heart when I'm with you
24. But when we are apart I feel it too
25. You can't stand the jealousy
26. Why do you still want to be with me?
27. I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was
28. But now I'm really at a loss
29. Maybe that little spark of jealousy
30. Is bigger than what you see
31. Picking up the pieces of my heart
32. How i wish we didn't start
33. And somehow it seems to me that you are miles away
34. When you don't even bother about what I say
35. Maybe deep inside you really hate me
36. I know I'm just too blind to see
37. I used to think that we were forever
38. But now it seems that it is for never
39. Remembering those times when we first started
40. It makes me wonder how I could end up so brokenhearted
41. I wish upon a falling star
42. That you were somewhere not so far
43. I don't know if you'll ever need me
44. Cause my own future I can't see
45. I guess we can never be
46. When you don't even sound seriously sorry
47. I wish I can just runaway from this world
48. I wish I won't ever miss your face
49. What is left of us?
50. When all that's bearable has passed
51. I know of somebody who broke my heart before
52. But at least he mended it before anyone saw
53. I think I'm stupid for falling for you
54. I think I'm stupid to let you go too
55. I take a shaky breath in
56. And wipe my tears before they're seen
57. And suddenly I feel myself falling into emptiness
58. Oh the lonely darkness
59. The pain is so unbearable
60. Now I know how I'm so breakable
61. And now you see the real me
62. Run away and let me be
63. I'm not as strong as I was years ago
64. But I'll find the courage to let you go
65. I've been thinking for some time now
66. But telling you I don't knnow how
67. Everyday is just pretend
68. Only once have you held my hand
69. Sometimes I just can't find the strength to carry on
70. Sometimes I wish I was never born
71. And all the roads we have to walk are winding
72. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
73. I try to hold myself together
74. But I fall apart everytime I think about her
75. Why do I even bother about you?
76. You don't even know what to do
77. Sometimes I feel like I just wanna die
78. When all you do is make me cry
79. And I don't even understand myself
80. Maybe you should just try to help yourself
81. I think I'm sick and tired of all this
82. Those happy times are all I miss
83. You're sick and tired of me
84. Why don't you just go away and let me be?
85. I think its best for us to break
86. Its for our own personal sake
87. If you cry because of this stupid post
88. You haven't seen what ruined me most
89. Enough is enough this has to end
90. Can I even consider you as a friend?
91. You're building me up just to break me down
92. You turn my smile into a frown
93. Every single freaking day
94. The worsening pain never goes away
95. You know how I feel about you?
96. You're not the person I can turn to
97. I cannot think of what more to say
98. But right now you ruin my day, everyday
99. I don't know if you remembered or forgot or chose to ignore
100. But this is our 100th day together. And I'm sorry I can't say that I love you more than I did before.