I’m sorry I ever tried.

Yeah, I know I’m such a bitch. But people change. I’m better now :D I’m sorry I was mean and unreasonable and all but everybody makes mistakes. Please forgive me :/ I miss those times :/ But still I’ll have to live with the guilt. Yes, I’ve gotten into trouble before. But I don’t want to remember those. And I believe everyone wants the same too. That’s why I don’t judge people based on their past. Hasty generalization. Its unfair. People change. And it might be for the better so its only right to treat them fairly. Its hard to forget, but learn to forgive. We’ve all made mistakes we cannot erase.

I used to think highly of myself. I used to Google my own name. I used to think I was pretty. Yeah, I know, bhb. I used to think I was very mature and perfect and nobody was better than me. But that was years ago. I haven’t seen the real world. And now, when someone asks if I think I’m pretty, I say, average. Not ugly, but still not pretty either. But truth is, everytime I look in the mirror I’ll think, “Aah so pretty. Thank god (:” And years later, I’ll look back and realize how wrong I was. Ohwell. I’m horribly crazy :/ Aah. At least I’m contented. I take what is given. And I say “thank you”. I never ask for more.

Aah fasting month is over ): It makes me sad ): And I spent 4hrs remaking my Duel Masters decks ._. The craze is coming back :D Hahah life so awesome (: And I don’t think I’m going back PRPS on Teacher’s Day… Nothing much there anyway. Well, have fun, whoever’s going back. (I’ll regret not going later) Aah, Imma just walk past then. Maybe I’ll go in. Maybe. Not.

Heehee. I think I just got scammed. Random Sec2s (I think) from idk what school was selling stuff. And I bought -.- Aah it was for a cause!! :D Anyway, point is, if you see teenagers like us asking for donations/selling stuff for CIP, JUST DONATE LAH. Not easy okay. Eee, they must think I’m so gullible and all ._. Hahah, the two of them were funny :D It’s the those kind of slacker guys in class then kena force to do this can’t even explain the rationale and stuff XD Sad I didn’t talk to them much. It was awkward ): And I wont see them ever again :/ Note to self: Make more friends.

Blehh. I woke up at 7am and left house at 730am and reached school exactly at 840am :D bell ring, I was walking to parade square (just entered main gate) -.- Meh. Anyway, today was Malay test. I thought it was rather easy :X Except for the idioms/peribahasa part where I never bothered to study/memorise. So I left the whole section blank :D Epic me. Tmr got LA Compre and IH Source Based Analysis. Die lah. I have never done a single Compre practice Ms Wang gave :X And of course, Ms Dyer never thought us anything about source based. Not like I would listen anyway…But still! ):

I’ve got nothing against you,

Actually I miss you :D

And I know you might

Take me back inside

When the time is right :D

Come to think of it, life never sucked. Suddenly I’m so optimistic O.o and I have three more tests this week and one more test next week. Whatthehell -.- Ohoh, I PASSED MY TK TEST!!! :’D Ahaha okay, that’s all you need to know :D

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take <3

Heehee. Today was fun :D Walked to Serene Centre and back ._. Meh, so anyway, school ended at 1pm today cause Chem swapped with lunch, so no lunch -.- And still never understood Chem :/ Then played Duel Masters with Ray. Lost again and again -.- Aah, I just suck ): And I found entertainment playing with myself at home -.- Anyway, LA and IH and Maths test coming. Ohwell. 3 weeks~~ :D GRAHH. Friggin pimples. I’m so gullible. The pimple gel said 3 days but it takes 3 times as long!! Aah. Suddenly I have a certain liking for coffee ._. Eating the coffee sweet Ray gave :D The caffeine didn’t work. I’m lying down falling asleep when I’m supposed to be mugging -.-

Life so boring!! Anyway, just to tell you, the entries which have been written on fullscap started on 12 August -.- So yeahh. Late posts. Better late than never!! :D Meh I have nothing to write about today :/ Sorry. Well just to tell you then, nothing interesting happened, everyday’s just the same. Life sucks. I wish it would rain. Oh, interesting thing: I’m lying down on my bed eating Air Force sweets they gave during Careers and Scholarship fair :D Its not bad… One of the few sweet things in my bitter life. Hahah. Lol so emo for what.

So yeahh. Haven’t written for so long cause I kinda given up that I’ll ever be able to update :/ Meh. I took Chem test today. So friggin bloody hard. I’ll pass. Or fail. Even third language tests are much easier -.- But anyway, I’m quitting ): CA4 is next week I think. Aah, I’ll miss Arabic, I don’t know why. I feel so wasted ): Ohwell. So anyway, Thursday was photoshoot for JH Open House methinks. Aah I’m gonna look soo weird cause I pin up fringe -.- Nobody will recognize me :X I’m the shooting one anyway -.- But it ended at 630pm and it was late so Ms Selva let the JH2s choose whether they wanted to take it on Friday or Saturday so obviously, I took the latter. No difference, I didn’t have the time to study anyway -.- Fail lah. Friday was E&D againn. We went to vegetable farms and whatnot and got free orchids hahah :D Hmm, it seems that I don’t write interesting stuff here anymore. Too lazy, just tell personally :D (my horrible MRT experience on Thursday -.- Maybe someday I’ll write) Meh, I spent 1hr looking for my file only to realize that it was on my bed under my quilt -.- Silly me. Anyway, I won’t give up!! Not having my phone is fine, can survive. Just that its inconvenient -.- I never knew the time. And such little diversity in my iPod!! Likee, only D.Gray-Man songs, Justin Bieber, Owl City, Linkin Park, Lady Antebellum and…well a few random songs. Aah. I love school O:

Heehee. Aah now’s not the time to be happy!! Chem test this Friday ): Gah, hopefully I get A+++ :D High expectations again -.- Today was really crap. As usual, school wants us to study more, make half day near test week and all. And half day is ALWAYS on a short day -.- So anyway, the only “lessons” my class missed today was lunch and homeroom. Wow, thanks for the half day man. In the end, a lot of classes stayed back to mug for Chem test. Redundant half day. I bet it would have been on Thursday. School would start at 9am and end at 1230pm. Perfect. Only miss 1hr of lesson -.- 1hr of school -.- Bleh. Whatever. Tmr E&D again. Monday was on photography. Hahah, I was always interested in photography but cameras are too expensive and its a waste of time (somehow screwed logic).

Aah. I shouldn’t be scared. I am not scared cause I didn’t do anything wrong~ Gah. Believe in myself! I shall appear calm and composed. I have a feeling I know what’s coming ._.

My favourite place to sleep in school: Garry’s classroom :D aka my Conversational Chinese classroom. TC22 :D I think. Gah, whoever’s classroom that is (: Somehow, I love the tables there O: Second favourite: JH3 classrooms :D Next year!! :D Anyway, its cause those are actually desks. I don’t like JH1 and 2 tables. Stupid round tables. Like coffeeshop. Nah, its just damn squeezy -.- and heavy. And cannot put stuff under table!! AND MOST OF ALL, its not sleep-friendly!! Other than the fact that I can sleep anywhere and anytime… Those table suck!! Longest I ever slept was 1hr ._. (Yes, I sleep openly, put head on table) Anyway, sleep one hour, wake up, arms numb, neck pain and both legs cramp -.- I don’t know why but its true!! But sometimes I just lean against the wall (: (cause I sit beside it) And I did that once for the whole of lunch, wake up, neck pain like crap -.- Anyway, why am I talking about sleep? ._.

Uh-huh. Falling into empty space. But even when all hope is gone, move along, move along, like I know you do, move along~ :D Today rained leh. It was damn cold. My teeth were chattering!! My hands were shaking cold, oh my hands are yours to hold~ Heehee. I love AAR (: And today reminded me of a poem I wrote. Inspired by heavy rain also -.- Copyright: All rights reserved! I WILL SUE YOUUU!

Amity We Hold.

The sound of rain pouring down heavily,

From afar, I gazed at you longingly.

Wanting to talk to you but I’ve no courage,

Maybe its cause you consider me just average.

You brushed against me but had nothing to say,

I took a deep breath and walked away.

Beating wildly was my heart,

At least I knew, it was a start.

But then again,

You’d think I’m just a pain.

Being near you I refrain,

I stood alone in the rain.

I shivered in the cold,

I wish I had your hand to hold.

I wish you’d always be with me,

No matter how tough life could be.

But my wishes will never come true,

Unless you give me a hint or clue,

Cause I’m trying hard not to tell you,

That I had fallen in love with you <3

Aww. How cheesy.

Heehee. I am in my weird happy mood again. Ohwell, I survive everyday I guess. Today…sucked. People mistake my bored-till-wanna-die face for my I-wanna-punch-your-face face -.- In other words, bored face for angry face. And when you keep emphasizing that I am angry, I become really angry and I-wanna-punch-your-face face + wanna-kill-someone/you face will come and you get really freaked out? -.- But today not much effort cause I was sleepy. Well, compromise. Cause in the end, I win.

I am sleepy. Yeah, I know I slept a lot in school and all but I’m still sleepy D: Anyway, I like chocolate. And cheese. Just finished one bar of Hershey’s and a slice of cheese. And two packets of PizzaHut cheese :9 Yummy. And quite a few gulps of Pepsi. Lotsa caffeine and fat intake but who cares. The caffeine didn’t work. I’m still sleepy. Luckily no homework and all. And thankfully, the fats don’t work either :D Gah I’ve been trying to write a poem since last week! ): Aah. I cut my hair. Heehee. This is a random post.

I will not quit. I will not give in so easily. Seriously, if my safety is so important, I should just stay in boarding. 24 hour security. There. But anyway, I will come home before 8pm everyday. And don’t go back on your word cause I won’t. And if you ain’t giving me what you promised, Imma get it myself. Promises are meant to be kept, not broken.

Yeah.

My mood has lifted :D heehee. So yeahh, I just realized that Maths test is in 5 days!! ._. Hahah, surprisingly, I know how to do all the homework given O: I think. And I don’t even pay attention in class… Ohwell, can’t say the same for Chem. Aah, I am in a weird happy mood :D

Heehee. The Honey and The Bee – Owl City! Go listen! Nice lyrics :D heehee sounds nice. So cute. Heehee.

For the first time, I don’t know what to do anymore. You know how tribal this is? I’m writing all these blog posts on my fullscap and when I do get the chance to on com (like now), I retype everything -.- Talk about a life without technology -.- Almost three days without my phone. I don’t know how long I can go on. I’m breaking down. And I cry and cry and cry and cry… So far away and now I just need you here…

My life is meaningless. Even my hope is disappearing. Even my faith. But still, let’s make this last.

I kinda finished all my Maths and Chem work… Save for a few questions which I dunno how to do… For the first time, I wonder how it feels like to die. Like, in an accident. Overwhelming pain then…nothing? If I were involved in an accident, I’d rather die. Less suffering. And life this few days have been tough and yet meaningless… The only thing that keeps me going is to see you soon. To hear your voice. To see you smile. To look into your eyes. I’m not sad, I’m sofa king depressed and annoyed and agitated and pissed. Yeah, well life now is meaningless. I’m wasting my time lying down, thinking about random things I’ve never thought of, writing random things, planning… Aah, I have nothing left to do, everyday I’m studying -.- Everyday I’m paying attention in class. And no, its not like I understand anything anyway. Why does my life feel like Romeo and Juliet? Tragedy was a destiny~

Feels like I’m drowning without your love…

Just a fraction of your love, fills the air,

And I fall in love with you all over again…

I don’t wanna go back, to just being one half of the equation,

Do you understand what I’m sayin’?

I wish we had another time

I wish we had another place

But everything we have is stuck in the moment

And there’s nothing my heart can do

But fight with time and space

Cause I’m still stuck in a moment with you.

Two days of not having my phone. Never knew what date it was. Never knew what time it was. Why is my happiness always so short-lived? Protecting me? Never felt like dying so much till today. Crack. Break. Smash. There goes my heart. I wanna cry but all the tears are gone. Long gone. This whole thing is tearing me up.