That's it. I'm never gonna help anyone ever again because I just make things worse for everyone :'( I tried though. I really did.

New Year's Resolutions:
1. GPA 4.0 (crazy right?)
2. Save $5000
3. Find holiday jobs
4. Text less
5. Talk/socialise more
6. Flirt less
7. Emo less
8. Exercise more
9. Be a better muslim
10. Love more

Quote to live by:

I wish I wasn't so stupid and annoyingly desperate before. I feel like killing the me in the past. But of course, if I did that I'd be dead and I kinda love living :/

No one ever makes me feel like you do when you smile, baby tell me how to make it right.

Anything and everything for you.

Heh. Finally got around to cycling :3 went to Tampines Eco Park (didn't know such a thing existed :O) and then to Changi Village to buy food :9 with my dad ^^ slightly lesser than 20km and I was already dying at all the uphills meh. Don't know how I survived cycling to Yishun and back a few months ago D':

Reasons why I cycle at night:
1. Its waaaay cooler than in the day.
2. You won't bump into people unexpectedly.
3. Its quieter and less congested at night.
4. Cycling in the day is just too mainstream. (LOL jk just a crap excuse)

Man I think I miss sometimes interacting with someone. I don't even dare reply or retweet or dm the most I do is favourite :X But ohwell. I think its for my own good :') I have everything I need anyway hehe :3

Gawd I'm lovesick. Lovesick: to pine with desire or longing for love, sentimental melancholy for love. Seems about right boohoo.

Cause I'm on a mission, I want you all to myself right now <3

Heehaw here's a post dedicated to a pedophile I know :'D just kidding, dedicated to someone really special :3 and btw, someone can't be a pedophile if he's my brother right? xP

Sigh. I don't like being forced to blog something :'( I suppose its better if I feel like it but meh. I feel like it but its stuff I rather keep to myself because I'm selfish with my memories like that. Heh.

And its even worse now because I didn't even get a choice between talking to that pedo or blogging about that pedo urgh >:( so yes, here I am. Hopefully writing a high quality post :'(

I think the pedo thing originated really weirdly though :( it wasn't even the proper use of 'pedo' but ohwell the name sticks :3

Ohgod I hate sounding like a lovesick person blogging about "I met the love of my life <3" or "I can't stop thinking about him <3" or "I can't wait to see him again <3" yknow, those kind of stuff :/ but its trueee. Sobs. So yeah, let's topic hop ><

I hate fighting :'( although we fight like every other week or something and we do apologise and stuff after that but still it suuuuuuucks. Its a waste of time and makes everyone sad :( I'd so much rather have physical sibling fights heh.

Idk but I'm starting to feel less insecure hehe. I hope it doesn't mean that I'm starting to care less because I do care and its just a scary thought >< heh I care so much maybe too much :')

I love suggesting songs but I'm still keeping one song to myself heh. Its too meaningful I shall not share it yet :'D also because my bro likes to bully me so therefore, I shall keep this from him >:) don't worry, its not easy I'm always afraid I might accidentally say it :(

I shall conclude with two of my most favourite memories :3 the convo ones I mean. The ones sitting in silence are obviously top of the list :')

#1 "And guess who got higher than her for psle?" "Meeee! :D"

#2 Cute babies. Its in the previous previous previous previous previous post I think but yeah. That was memorable :)

The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember it.

ps. I love you.

Meh. Is two days of not blogging a long time? O: because it didn't feel like it :'( neways. I'm blogging for the sake of someone *hint hint* and I'm not really sure how long is two pages? So yeah, I won't blog for two pages, that's just waaay too long xP

Song of the day! Desperate Measures - Marianas Trench :) hence the title of this post XD school is starting soon -le mixed feelings- and I'm desperate for good grades :/

I don't understand how one can follow so many people on twitter O: I mean like, my timeline is overflowing._. And I don't have time to read everybody's tweets anymore :'( but yeah, I follow back :3 wanna change my header to something cool but I'm so busy I don't even have time to make blogskins T.T

So I was forced to talk about this but I don't see why or how its such an interesting topic :/ yeah I went to my mum's primary school reunion. Because it was an extended invitation which included family (though I'm the only family member who went-.-). And well, you know. Sitting there with a bunch of 50 year olds who talk and laugh really loudly, and their kids who are antisocial like me (not sure) and just eat and watch tv/play with their phones. Glad it was over quickly :')

Hope you guys have a great 2012 which is coming to an end soon :)

Now laugh.

Urghh. I hate math. Had to degrade myself and take out my JH2 notes. Because I don't know how to draw a graph. A linear graph. GC really spoils you :/ And stupid book give so hard questions and never even give example how to do >:( I am not a smart person okay :'(

Ergmahawd. This is too much for me :'( emotionally drained. My heart hurts, I can't stop the tears, the pain just keeps on coming and the words won't stop flowing. Who knew that you could make me feel like this without even trying when the only time I ever succeeded was years ago on a forced poem.

#staystrongme

On the bright side, I FINALLY MANAGED TO DO THE DIFFERENTIATION IN THE MATH CHRISTMAS PACKAGE :'D omg must be the fact that christmas is over and no wonder I can solve it. Le feeling like a genius :3

Tell me its the start of something beautiful.

Song of the day: Obvious - Hey Monday. Because dreams are getting weirder each day and I'm tired of it all. Let's make a scene like the movies in our dreams make me scream take me down no one's watching close your eyes.

Long holidays make me lazy. I want school to start I think. Won't have the time to worry about other things too much. Won't have time for anything else besides studying because everyone's competitive like that. And maybe, things will go on and feelings will fade. I don't know. I don't want to know. Sibling rivalry?

"His love will conquer all."

Haha Merry Christmas eve guys :3 though I don't celebrate xP its a happy day today :'D

Though I woke up at 11am I think and I panicked because its a halfday for working adults = parents coming back early :O so yeah. Le super efficient me swept and mopped the floor, washed the toilet, watered the plants, fed the cat, folded the clothes, wiped the tables and washed the vegetables all in like 1.5hrs! Whahah. I'm tired. X_X

Wanted to take a nap but nahh. Cherish every moment with you heh. Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you. 'Scuse me. I need to cry :')

Meh. I'm extremely annoyed I didn't get anything done lately cause I keep having to go out-.- its tiringgg. And horrible me keeps drinking coffee :'( I can't sleep. But I'm tired. And when I do sleep, I don't sleep well cause of the coffee :/ on the bright side, I don't get stomachaches while drinking coffee on an empty stomach :'D

Erm I know its kinda early but hehh I'm excited for my birthday :X but then I'll dread it cause it means that school is starting :( and the idea that I'm boarding practically the day before and after my birthday isn't so appealing.

Grr. Annoying. Fine. I won't be happy.

I'll make it worthwhile. Yes, I'm willing to gamble this once. And yes, the probabilities can actually be calculated. I'm betting on this.

What makes you think he's so good? What makes you speak so highly of him? You don't know what he's taken away from me. You'll never know.

I don't care if its supposedly the end of the world. I'm just looking forward to spending time with you.

Aah this is worse than screwing my body clock. Practically slept for the whole of yesterday :/ and I'm still tired. And I'm still tired today. And I didn't eat dinner. And I'm not even hungry.

And I'm such a genius to drink coffee on an empty stomach. Again. Ohyeah. To all those who want to fall sick and pon school for some reason: Drink coffee on an empty stomach. I guarantee you get diarrhoea for at least two days lol. Especially if you're O blood type like me.

Recipe for disaster.

Sigh. I'm sick of arguing with you. I just hope everything works out. Because they really do, if we don't stop trying.

Baby, I'm living louder
And dreaming longer tonight
And baby, I'm fighting harder
And loving stronger tonight.

Haha. Because I believe and I have faith. Yeah they say I'm a dreamer. But dreams do come true to those who genuinely try.

Yeah the good die young but the great will always last.

Today was 6A'09 reunion! :) or rather 'reunion' ._. Its sad that always the same people come and we never really have a proper reunion :( but anyways it was kinda fun :D Azrin, Bernice, Emily, Lucas, McCoy and me went to eat Burger King and then went bowling :) I realised that I suck at it :'( though its my first time :D I don't mind going again though but its ex :(

Anyway! Me and Bernice made a really important discovery! xP it seems that people from single sex schools are able to better interact with the opposite sex as compared to those who come from mixed schools. Where is the logic in this!! >< so after Azrin left it was kinda awkward :(

Went home with Celine and agreed to play Maple after her Os or something :D mehh haven't played since forever I'm not surprised if I'm hacked >.>

I don't know. I think I'm a relatively good child._.

Sigh I don't know what's wrong with me :( what do I want? This horrible feeling of always wanting, always seeking for care and protection and love, the I-want-to-feel-wanted feeling. I don't even know why. I had a good childhood, not deprived of anything.

I owe you so much. For teaching me how to be patient. For teaching me the meaning of repentance. For teaching me how to set priorities. For teaching me to believe. For putting up with my emotional breakdowns and unreasonableness and contradictions.

If anything were to ever go wrong, just know that you're the best thing that ever happened to me besides my family. Oh the irony. Haha I love you, brother :3

You have no idea how happy and relieved I am. To the extent that I can just run to you and hug you and never let go. But meh I can't do that. Thank you very much. Sorry for being so childish and immature but gah I feel the love <3 and its better to give than to receive so okay ^_^

Dinner was good though biologically I should have digested it all by now but I'm so full ><

On a side note, sorry for being so caught up in my own warped world. #PrayForNewtown Though its true that if the shooter was a Muslim this would have been a terrorist attack. Meh.

I'll miss you.

I am so foolish. Waiting for a reply all day and now I dread reading it. Stop crying. Stand by your decision. It takes people leaving for us to realise our mistakes. Maybe me leaving is a good thing afterall. Stop remembering things. It makes them bittersweet memories.

No I don't want to leave. We could make this work. But nightfall is coming and my thoughts and emotions will be more jumbled up. My questions are still unanswered. I don't know what to do. Sigh. Console myself. I'm not worthy. You deserve better.

ON THE (slightly) BRIGHTER SIDE, going out to eat dinner! ^_^ and good thing I'm sick, nobody can tell I'm stupidly crying :')

Its funny how people say they love each other but when things go bad, that love is gone. What is love, really? The only reason I know I love someone is this. I ask myself, "Am I willing to die for you?" And right now, I am willing to give my life for:
a) God
b) Family
c) You

Maybe I should adopt my reciprocating policy again. You ignore? Okay, me too. Spent my day worrying. Too much time wasted. I wish this didn't hurt. For you la. Me? Meh. Who am I anyway.

Shit did I just repeat the same mistake for the third time. Screw this. Brain y u no process information faster.

Thanks for spoiling me. Urgh. Actually, screw you. No sarcastic thanks at all.

Never felt like this before.
Are we friends or are we more?
As I'm walking towards the door
I'm not sure.

Hurhur. Here's a peek at what's going on in my mind. And yes, its a conversation.

See this is all your fault.
What did I do?!
Yeah who was the one who was so sleepy??
But I was REALLY tired.
C'mon you know you could have pushed a little more BUT NO, you had to give some bitchy attitude. Will you ever change?
Well tell me how to then.
You know yourself best! Its been 3 years! 3 long years!! And still nothing??
I don't know anymoreee. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage.
Stop it with the song references. Stop feeling so sorry and do something!
Like what!
Improve yourself perhaps. Just do something and stop thinking!
I already did chem okay! In the morning! I'm agitated I can't do anything! I ate without feeling like eating! I'm sick but I feel like nothing!
Lol write a poem?
Lovesick. That's next year.
But the inspiration is here.
No! All those stupid poems end up in tragedies.
Which reminds me of this Twitter deja vu yeah.
Which pretty much lasts for the same period of time.
Aren't you gonna do anything about it? Prove them wrong! Cry also for what.
What's the use of proving people when its only 50% effort.
Then prove yourself worthy. C'mon, you know you can do it. Nobody's better than you.
Yeah right everybody has a better emotional stability than me.
YOU ARE NOT GONNA RUIN YOUR FUTURE. YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE. NOW. YOU ARE GONNA BE WORTHWHILE AND PRICELESS.
And, in the end, I'll still lose because they thought it wouldn't last all along, and they were right.
Make a change, and breakaway.
I'd like to be everything you want.
No, just no. Be a better version of yourself.
I won't let you down.

Troubleshooting101: When angry, lost, or depressed, always think happy thoughts.

I want you to hit the pedal heavy metal show me you care.

Guys, if you have a problem, don't sleep without solving it. Unless if its maths then that's okay.

-wails- of all the times why today. Shouldn't have used com and tire my eyes.

I should be a hopeless romantic and make a playlist of those songs.

STAHHPPP.

I've been having split personalities lately. And its taking over me. The I-don't-care-anymore one.

Isn't talking every other minute of the day enough? But no, I have to get upset because a fraction of my loads of time with you was dedicated to other things. Seriously, me, wtf?

What a shame what a rainy ending given to a perfect day.

Yeah fine screw me I don't care about myself anymore. Previous posts reblogged.

Song of the day: Same Mistakes - One Direction

Closer, maybe we'll be closer.

Stupid Blogger app keeps crashing D:<

Cody Simpson <3 #gentleman

Omg this looks sooo good. Oh Justin <3

WHAT. I typed a post and clicked done and it disappeared. Anyway, this post was supposed to go something like this:

Urgh I typed two posts last night and they disappeared today. Forget it. I'm too lazy to retype. They were rants anyway. The new Blogger app is kinda cool though.

YESSS. Lucky my paste option works. This is perhaps 1/10 of what I was gonna post yesterday-.-

This is stupid. Find someone less problematic than me. Since there's no problem now, is there? Save you these mixed emotions anyway. Don't mind me, I'll be medically and emotionally stable tomorrow perhaps.

Edit: Oh I also wrote, "I'd fight for you, I'd fight with you, but I won't fight for your attention. Especially over inanimate objects. Wished that it was a little more obvious that I wanted a teeny little bit of your attention. But it's okay, I can live with that."

Stupid things I get upset over. Like what? Like the mere use of the word "if" rather than "when". I hate "if"s. It shows probability. I hate probability. Why not certainty?

Ohyeah. Happy 12/12/12 guys.

Sometimes I wish I'd lose my voice now so I'll have a reason not to talk. And everybody would be happy.

Sometimes I wish I could just give up and let them win. Its either my sensibility or insecurity kicking in now. But I hate losing. And I hate losing you.

Omg Over Again is #1 on my Top 25 Most Played. Which means that I played it over 50 times whut. I should stop spamming it while studying :/

Tongue tied over three words. Cursed.

I promised I would try, and I'll keep that promise. We don't have free will, but we have free choice. Our actions determine our future. And I know which path I'll take. Yes, I'm stubborn, but so what? It'll either make or break me. And yes, I'll bet on the former.

Lol I knew it. Things can never be so good forever.

I'm sorry but half the time I couldn't follow the conversation oops.

I must be so dense not to know all this in the first place. Obviously I asked myself these questions already before getting into anything. Obviously I asked for help already. Obviously I weighed the possibilities and thread carefully already.

Future planning? Sure I got that. Its the only thing I agree about haha. And fine, I'll take your advice. Because there's no harm trying. And I asked for guidance already anyway. Weeks ago.

Looks like I can't take my time anymore. Action starts now. And yes, I'm confident. I don't doubt myself. I'll prove it. God brought me this for nothing.

Urgh. This is why I hate holidays. Is it so hard to have a normal holiday? If not everyone wants to go then might as well not go at all. I don't mind.

It sucks having to be the youngest. It sucks having to grow up and catch up. I'm sorry I have to be so childish. Its not like I want to.

Truth be told I wouldn't even have wanted to go USS for Halloween Horrors. But I didn't want to be a stupid spoilsport so I went. And I didn't invite you for The Fray concert because why should I invite someone who doesn't care and waste your time. Not good enough for you? I'm sorry.

I will be a better parent.

Edit: It wasn't so bad afterall but the fun kinda ends there.

I haz internet! Therefore I will blog :3

The only reason I get so affected with people is because when I get emotionally attached to someone, I tend to think and plan and map out my whole future with them and when they go, so does my future.

Shit I'm not sure if its just me or this holiday or this hotel. I dream like how and when I always do but I don't remember it at all. Not even right after I wake up, which I usually do and reflect :/ feels like my memories have been robbed from me urgh.

I'm no angel, I'm just me. But I will love you endlessly.

I love proving people wrong and exceeding their expectations. I hope you do too. The bar is set high.

There's a difference between blocking people and making accounts private. I'm not that mean. :)

Oh the horror. Over 100 views in one day and I didn't even refresh my blog or post anything. So much for fame :') just kidding. Being famous is okay, but being famous for bad things is bad. And unfortunately, I think majority of my views came from interesting viewers who have ulterior motives :( Here's too all my new readers, quote from Kiran's twitter, "Ohaidar."

Take Me Home songs keep playing in my head hehe :3 I know you probably won't care about this but I'm just gonna say it because Knowledge is Power, right? I love the song Over Again the most :D and its written by Ed Sheeran, just like Moments :D haha it makes me feel so emotional in a bad-but-not-too-bad-so-its-good way. If that even makes sense. Gah so hard to sing this song >:(

And if you're pretending from the start, like this, with a tight grip. Then my kiss can mend your broken heart. I might miss everything you said to me. And I can lend you broken parts, that might fit, like this. And I will give you all my heart, so we can start it all over again. <3

Gah. Haven't finished AEP homework I'm too scared to activate my 30 day photoshop trial :( cheapskate me :/

Sigh. Its very tempting to leak stuff but no I shall not because where's the fun in that right? HAHAHA. I'm so mean >:D but actually, what's there to leak lol. Perhaps leaks like dispelling rumours but what's the point when people are so caught up in each others' ignorance. Well here's what. Think what you like. Say what you want. Because like all other haters/people who think my life is a joke, etc., I'm gonna laugh at you in the future. You'll see. Oh wait, I already am laughing. Its too funny. Keep it coming. Its not everyday that my life is this interesting haha. Point is, I don't hate, just don't cross the line. And I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know your boundaries. Angry tortoise is not a nice sight. #justsaying

Oh and, its also very tempting to reply to all my mentions but where's the fun in that, too? :3

Haha I remember tweeting "Can we be friends? :)" phew that was close I think I may have been caught oops. Heh oh well it's okay some things aren't meant to be I guess. And if you still read my blog (I think you did in the first place), here's my apology. I'm sorry for judging you even though I don't really know you and I hope nothing bad happens too :) I reversed as much as possible but if the damage is done, then I'm really sorry. I hope we can still be friends. Somehow. Lol. Nevermind I guess, I'm just super happy everyone has a clear conscience now ^_^ (edit: uhm. If I see any signs of backstabbing then that's a different story. Lol I stalk too much this is too interesting.)

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down.

ps. Sorry to disappoint but I don't blog as much as I used to :( and will be away till Monday! -hiatus-

Meh today was my internals and I was supposed to leave house at 7am but I ended up waking up at 7.20am lol :/ but it got postponed to 9.30am anyway so I wasn't late :) I'm just kinda, really pissed that I still haven't gotten a 700-.- stuck with a stupid 603. But its a good thing I guess. My anger always fuels my determination :) and thanks to my wonderful 'natural talent' I kinda just choose if I want to shoot well or not. So yeah 362/400. And two weeks ago was 345/400 yay look at my improvement. Could have done better if I wasn't too angry and distracted though heehaw whatever in your face. Its not the gun, its the shooter.

Heh never thought I'd ever say or experience this but it feels good not to lie. Though I could have gotten away with it. Aah hehe I know its not a big deal but it is to me! Though I wasted an hour deliberating :/ but at least I did the right thing and my conscience is working again :D

Meeting you was a wake up call for me. Its all I can ever ask for.

I'm not worthy. I wish I was. Reality slaps you in the face. Good people deserve better.

Gah. I wish you never knew. Correction: I wish things never happened. There's only so much one can take.

Still amazed at how honest I am. Its so unlike me this is paralysing.

Tsk. Can't believe some people still think so highly of him. But I can't break the truth to them. Cause I'm so stupid it'll break me too.

Burying the memories again. Its like a wound that never heals, what more a scar that never fades.

I'm a different person. I can live through this. I'll prove it to you. I'm such a joke? Well no more laughing. The joke's on you.

I don't expect you to care.

I'm so angry I'm not even angry anymore.

Ahaha sorry for not blogging lately I'm a busy person and going on holiday and its December already! :'(

Can't wait for 6Aspiration'09 reunion!! I should get around to posting a poll on the fb group :/

Haha yes I'm fine now :) hate this emotional rollercoaster.

And I'm stuck in a cold December but I got you to keep me warm~

Ahahhaahaha this is too funny. Guys, I'm not dating.

Uh huh. I'm in pain :'(