Idk it's really like a joke, isn't it? Of all people, me? Ha ha. Honestly never thought that such things would happen to people like me but oh well. I won't say cyberbullying, more like an attempt at cyberbullying because seriously, I am not the kind to be cyberbullied and I will not allow that to happen so there. But in all seriousness, cyberbullying is real. I never thought it was something so serious but thanks for the firsthand experience, now I know what it feels like and now I am well aware of how victims feel and also, my knowledge on cyberbullying has just increased tenfold, if not more, so now my GP skills will improve yay.

I'm better now than ever and your life's okay.

I really should stop breaking into random song lyrics especially when conversing with people because it's weirddd. But yeah. I believe that I don't need people to stand up for me, especially comforting me over lies. But thank you to those who did because I think having support is really important, especially when it comes to cyberbullying. Nevertheless, I believe that everything boils down to mind over matter. Who are you to dictate my life and tell me how bad I am and how much I suck? Because at the end of the day, those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. So dry those tears and keep your chin up.

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.

That being said, it is an undeniable fact that cyberbullying hurts. It hurts and more often than not, it runs through your mind all day. The negative comments and snide remarks. But such is life. That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt. But of course, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. So yeah. I'd rather get hurt by legit people, not keyboard warriors.

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down.

Aaand the contents of my case of an attempt at cyberbullying...sigh. The amount of lies is too damn high I can't even. The thing about cyberbullies is, they're (dumb) cowards. Firstly, they can't get their facts straight. Secondly, even if their facts are straight, have some courage to do it openly. If you're right about things, why are you scared? Thirdly, cyberbullies throw out almost any lame argument they can find in an attempt to break you. Like seriously, from me "loving VJ and hating NJ" to me "being a Councillor for portfolio" to me "being a pathetic, desperate slut". So yeah, don't worry. As long as you are true to yourself, everything will be fine. Again, you chose the wrong person to cyberbully because my arguments are watertight, and it's not just because I'm playing 'victim' here.

Give me love or hate, you can bend me till I break.

I would like to know, though, why me of all people? And why now, of all times? If this resentment is from an IP kid then why not settle it in JH? Now of all times because SH is a crucial time = more effective to cyberbully? Okayyy but you see I'm using it to my advantage. And if it's from a Councillor, then wow. I suggest you seriously reflect upon your actions.

And logically, bullying happens because of one out of two reasons: The bully wants to take revenge in a sense, or, the bully is jealous. You don't do these things for no reason, unless really, then I have nothing to say to that LOL like maybe thanks for investing so much time to attempt to break me. But yup. Reason 1: I have no idea what I did wrong to you or why you hate me so much because honestly my JH/SH life was/is pretty normal I guess and I really do not want to think that the IP people/Councillors I know are that bad to me. Reason 2: Jealousy oh my please there's nothing to be jealous about, and if there is, you're really shallow minded to feel that way because my life is so average. Do tell me what you want in my life and I will do my best to help you achieve it.

But yeah honestly I'm not even going to think about this anymore because it is so dumb. So if you think I'm really affected by all this drama, I'm not. Feel kinda sad though because Mr Ang is so nice yet stuff like these still happen. So to whoever who actually reads this post up to this point: DON'T LIE, DON'T STEAL, DON'T CHEAT AND DON'T BULLY!!!

Kinda really sad that I didn't really get to accomplish many things this month :( Sigh last day. I hope that I'll be able to see this month again next year and I hope I'd make better use of it.

Feeling sick and I really hope it's not dengue because so many mosquito bites and dengue cases in my area :(

Really need to buck up on my studies :(

Probably should deactivate ask.fm again how dumb. Why don't I ever get nice questions.

I have my reasons for having certain sentiments. My JH life wasn't all that good. Heck, it was bad. My seven months of SH is better than my 4 years in JH, and it is the reason I'm starting to mellow down on my VS-VJ obsession. Please, I know where to draw the line. We all do. I mean like Singaporeans don't go around supporting other countries in international competitions right? We don't hang other countries' flags either. But they do support other countries for stuff like World Cup. Same difference. I don't see a problem with supporting another school, when both my mind and body is with NJ. Even more so when there's so much to learn from other schools and how they do things.

But yeah if you really must know, I love NJ. I love NJ the way it is now, with Mr Ang, with new friends I made this year. I love NJFB and there's no other team I'd rather play with and no other school I'd rather play for because njpride. I will honour my choices. It's a choice I made to come to NJ, out of every single school in Singapore. And if there's anything I'll do for NJ, it is to do NJ proud.

Why Council? Well, why not? You know how they say you can love someone so much you want the best for them? I want the best for NJ and that is why I'm going to make a difference. But of course, nothing without labour. Absolutely hate it when people say that choices are made based on how helpful they are to an individual's selfish desires. I mean like can't we do things for the benefit of the whole society? Why so self-centered? It's not like you can take your portfolio to your grave. It's not like God will question you "So you were a Councillor? Ok you can go to heaven." So pls if you do badly even your portfolio can't save you. If you die and go to hell even your portfolio can't save you.

This is the dumbest post ever but no choice because needa clear misconceptions. I mean like seriously I'm not even blogging about being torn between two lovers or some teenage angst omg.

Sigh sigh haven't blogged in ages because I don't have the time to and really busyyy so like yeah. I should be sleeping now because need to catch up on sleep but neverminddd.

Haha so 1st July - 3rd Ramadhan. Like what are the odds that our birthdays would coincide. Like if only we could/would have celebrated together. Haha and so happens that I was scrolling through my phone gallery and found a picture of us from my birthday like six months ago. I guess I never really delete or throw away things. I guess I never really did let go.

So today is/was youth day in lieu or whatever so I planned on going to IMRE but I woke up at 10am omg yes that may sound pretty early considering that I woke up at 3pm on Saturday and 11am on Sunday but yeah not early :( so change of plans I went to mug at Starbucks instead.

And so little tortoisey walked the distance of four bus stops from my house to reach a bus stop to take a bus to the airport (hence the title of this post hehe all my blog post titles are chosen carefully ok). Then I got the JunHeng feel HAHA while walking and in the bus, like the what is life kinda feel.

So yeah. I don't want to live. I don't want to live like this, anyway. And I don't want to die. I don't want to die like this, anyway. I am not prepared. I know this life is about preparing for death but I am not prepared. I love this world too much I hate it. And I am so depressed because grades. Depression is a side effect of dying.

Do you know how hard it is to be me? To be right on top and then right at the bottom. No, because nobody has ever been in my situation. PSLE top scorer to at-risk. Straight As to straight Us. I want to cry. I really do. It's not like I'm not trying. I don't even understand. I lost all confidence in myself. I let people down. I don't want to but it happens and I can't stop it.

Sometimes I wonder how it would be if I had chosen differently. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if I wasn't born smart. Sigh education. Sigh academics. Would I be happy? This time this year, I could be a Normal Academic student in Secondary 5. Or an ITE student. Or a polytechnic student. Or a dropout. But no, I'm a JC student. I am smart enough to get here, but am I smart enough to ace this?

Times like this I really can't help but to break down. I know I have friends but sometimes I just feel so alone. Not only alone but lonely. Like today though I hate to admit it. So many couples studying at Starbucks lol. I know it isn't the right time to be in love and all but still. It seems so...nice. To have someone understand you and be there for you. But nobody will ever understand me anyway. Nobody has and will ever go through what I've gone through. I know I have family but sometimes they're just so distant. I mean I don't talk about these things to them anyway. They won't understand either. Even if they did, there's nothing much that they can do. They're already doing what they can. And here I am just being a burden. Being a let-down. Being a disappointment.