Okay I will allow myself to be a leeeetle ego :D AHAHAHA THIS IS SO NICEEE AND PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL <3 Worth my effort :D Now, if only I had an iPhone4-.-

Hahhahaa. Now, the making of this :D

HAHHAHAA. Its funny how you have to even think whether to do your holiday homework or not cause you might never know if you'll even stay in the same school and come back next year to even hand in your homework.

Pleaseee. Don't make me feel guilty. I've finally found peace with myself. Don't break it. Its worse to finish than to start all over and never let it die. Gah. I don't wanna think about it. I've finally brought myself together. Don't break me. Or if you do, well, GO SCREW YOURSELF :D Good job Dennis :D

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad I'm breaking. Maybe I do deserve it. Resign to fate? Goddammit no. But its useless ain't it? I'm powerless. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. So much for human rights. Right of parent over child. Rights can only be taken away if you infringe others' rights or its for your own safety. Okay. Logic wins, no? Give up? I can't. There is nothing I can do. There is nothing left to do.

Cry and cry again.

And all the wants,
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

Gah. I give up. Too much. Can't go on there, can't start here. Times like this I wanna disappear. There's nothing left. What should I say here? I'm sorry. I've said that many times. Gah. Stop cryinggg. For once, I shall try to do something right. Believe me. But why do I wanna stay when I'm gonna mess it up again? Cause I'll choose it right this time. And hopefully bring myself to the right destination. Where there is desire, there is hope. (I made that up) Gah. It makes sense. Kinda.

I messed up once, 
I messed up twice,
So how many times are we gonna try again?

And I'll give up everything since I have nothing to lose anymore. But then again, if there's nothing to lose, then anything works? Nooo. Why? Cause... I can't answer it. Cause I don't know if I'll ever come back? Fated? Gah. I can if I want to. But...proving myself...where everything went wrong...that's just pure satisfaction LIKE A BOSS. I want to make things better and say "HAH IN YOUR FACE". But what if things go wrong? Then I'll do my best. I've never been so determined. I never knew I had so many haters. Why give them the satisfaction of knowing they succeeded? I will triumph above all~

I know I've been a real bad girl. 

I can look back at my previous posts and see how much regret and guilt I have carried all these while. Why was I so blind? Blinded by love. Hah. My first poem. I am afraid. I am scared. I am literally paralyzed by fear. And yet, persevere!! God is Most-Forgiving. Only He will know my heart and soul. Trust no one but God <3

This time, I'm gonna go back to the girl I was on the night you found me.

When everything is wrong, fall back to the most fundamental and basic. Most refined and uncorrupted religion <3

#feelingveryempoweredthankstoGod

Should I give up? Should I let go of what wasn't even mine in the first place since I have nothing to lose anymore?

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be.

Uh huh. Walaoo. Whywhywhy. Urghh. Its 2AM and I'm cursing your name.

I don't like being used. I seriously hate it. Urghh my life is screwed. I did a little Math Christmas Package again -.- Urghh. There's something wrong. Very wrong :/

Destroy, she said, my love again
The end will come quickly
Don't try again to make amends
You'll just end up sinking
If you explode in aftermath
Don't think you've been dreaming
Destroy, she said, my love again
When it's not worth keeping.

I love holidays :D I made an iPhone4 lockscreen :) In case I ever get an iPhone4-.- Yeah I'm really free :) PLEASE I BEG YOU DO NOT COPY/PASTE OR SAVE OR USE OR WHATEVER IT ): Its for display and educational and inspirational purposes only ): And yeah, its for iPhone4, not 3 or whatever :D

And the educational purposes section:
- iPhone4 screen resolution [640x960]
- iPhone4 screen top (the part where they show the time/date and all) [640x282]
- iPhone4 screen bottom (the part "Slide to Unlock") [640x192]
So yeahh do your maths and you get the remainder value for your "usable space" :D




Credits:
- BannedStory 4.0 (http://www.maplesimulator.com/programs/bannedstory)
- Cool Text (http://cooltext.com/)
- Font Image Generator (http://interactimage.com/)
Free advertising-.-

Like it or not, even though she's alot like me,
We're not the same.

HAH. My very own blogskin <3 So proud of myself :D (omg I'm suddenly so ego-.- must be cause of someone *hinthint*) Hahah, its not much but I LOVE IT! :D Inspired by: someone :D Lols actually I didn't wanna rush but someone was rushing me, so yeahh. Hope you're happy-.- Cause I am :D Two nights worth of work :'D Actually it was only about 8hours lol. Considering that I had to teach myself how to do html and crap-.-

Really. Mesmerized maybe.

Which makes me feel like slapping myself. God, why do I suck so much -.- (I am being such a pessimist) But still. Gahh. I feel like killing myself ): Dumbdumb me. Ah well, at least I answered questions. (Which happens to be such an amazing feat for me?) And at least I actually did prep._. Which kinda saved my lifeee. Lol or it'll be worse. Much worse. Hahah if only I knew what was gonna happen then I wouldn't have been so dumb-.- On the brighter side, I improve (:

Oh and, I kinda immediately realised I forgot the Link in PEEL after I started my second point-.-

Help I suck at hand gestures. Its weird :/ Worst thing is, I was aware-.-

I Never Fail To Do At Least One Stupid Thing A Day.

That's self-explanatory.

Funny how I analyze stuff that happened.

Anyways, I never really understood the concept of "friendly competition". Yeah sure its about competing against someone in a nice, no-grudge kind of way. Being a good sport, etc. I think. Ohwell. But I suck at that. Sure I'm "pleasing to look at" (?!) but that doesn't mean I'm nice (:< Or maybe I'm really nice :D Just competitive in a not-friendly kind of way. I'm selfish. I'm being selfish these days. Ah, I hope it works.

And I probably shouldn't be saying this but, I thrive under pressure. (NOT in terms of idea generation please, that, I take time._.) Like, throw away all those insecurities and shyness-.- Only cause I'm desperate and its necessary so I don't make a fool of myself (which seems to be happening on an alarmingly regular basis) Desperate times call for desperate measures! >:D

And I could tell you, his favourite colour's green,
He likes to argue, born on the seventeen.
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes,
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie.

Can you tell the difference when I lie? No. And fyi, I don't lie. I just ommit certain parts, and twist the words. Fallacious. Equivocation. Or think that I really did/did not do something. Using screwed logic, its the thought that counts. Technically, that's not lying. But these days, there's so much grey area that nobody cares anymore. When something isn't a truth, its a lie. Fallacious. Iforgotwhat.

No, I'm not driving at anything. Just a random thought. Its not fair when you say that I didn't try, I just don't care about it anymore~ "In every war, man sees the bad in his enemy, but never in himself." Guess we all should play Devil's Advocate sometimes. Am I a bad person? I try my best to change. Everyday. I know my best ain't enough but do you believe in magic? Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe in God?

I'm overboard. I'm sorry.

And I thought things were bad enough, up till now. It just gets worse doesn't it? But then again, everybody has their dark side, no?

I'm just a holy fool,
Oh baby its so cruel,
But I'm still in love with Judas, baby~

Its not easy forgetting something so pleasant yet so unpleasant. Or someone. The reason I choose to believe is that if I haven't seen it, I don't believe it. But in this sense, I've already seen it. Or I'm beginning to. I can compare, anyday.

But I hope you'll change. And change the way you look at me. Who you take me for. Its a sad world, isn't it?

Miss?... He... Miss?... Miss me?... What's in me for him to miss?...
- Steward, A Man For All Seasons (Act 2)

Iknowright. I know that feeling. But everybody has a good side too.

I may not have all the answers. Yeah sure, action speaks louder than words. But those words, what do they really mean? Sometimes, I do things not because I hate someone, its unintentional. Baby I was born this way. And I'm not lying. I'm not lying even if you use my defination of lying. And I don't hate anyone.

Sometimes I wonder how I can do this. Held on together but so broken up inside.

"It took me less than half a lifetime to realise that regret is one of the few guaranteed certainties. Sooner or later everything is touched by it, despite our naive and senseless hope that just this time we will be spared its cold hand on our heart."
- Chapter 1, Sleeping in Flame, Jonathan Carroll

Ohya and this is kinda late but, I feel like killing myself!! ):< GPA is so retarded. Lol could have gotten into Dean's List-.- But PE?! Is counted-.- And I'm like wtf. I passed that crappy test and still I got a C?! And those in the Gold class or whatever got A+ -.- And they didn't even count NAPFA-.- I always do well for NAPFA! ):< Grr. Thanks alot. So much for all-roundedness.

Oh and, I got Below Expectations for Shooting-.- Ahem. I have a "passion" for shooting. And I'm very "enthu" about it. Oops, sorry, past tense-.- I mean like Ethan gets Meeting Expectations and I get BELOW?! Wtc mann. EVERYBODY goes shooting more often than Ethan-.- (Except the other JH2 ARBs) But still. Rawrr. You just gave me a better reason to quit! ):<

Angryyy.

Oh btw, gud newzzz! :D I got into the AEP selection!! :D The test was..err._. Qn1: Draw your hand, holding a pencil or coin, in an interesting position. Qn2: Draw a house or building across your street in an interesting way. Can be real or imaginary. One hour test :D I thought I did quite okay until I saw Eunice's ): How depressing! Then there was a level of interest thing and I ticked the "Yes!!"._. I hope I get in ): I dunno why ): Oh from JH202 was me, Eunice, Farah, Sherlyn, Petrina, Ariel, Vanessa, Ray and Daniel :D There were alot of ppl ):
Baby its not just you.

Hahahah. I bought Justin Bieber - Under The Mistletoe :D Though I wanted to buy Greyson Chance and Cody Simpson ): WHYWHYWHY Cody Simpson one must buy online ): Damn credit cards ): Ohwells. I'm broke. Again-.-

I just might. Might. Make my own blogskin :D

Cmon... Two more weeks, dammit.

Whahaha. I finished 1/5 of math homework already! :'D I stopped at indices and surds-.- Cause I forgot wtc is that. Ohwell. Gotta go back school tmr :D I miss it already. Ohoh. Cyberwellness was funny :D

Trainer: (blahblahblah) And actually my Christian name is John. And my surname is Yew, as in Y-E-W. What's your name?
John: Oh hi. I'm John Me :D
HAHHAHAA.

Gahh. I need a credit card ): Cody Simpson merchandise!! D;

rawrr. I shall prove myself.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet.