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    We've got a love that is homeless.

    Sunday, January 3, 2016 5:54 PM

    Contrary to popular belief, I am actually very aware of the consequences and implications of dating someone who is not...like me. Who does not believe in the things I do, who does not practise what I practise. And yes, I do think about these things. I know that there are many, many people who do not - simply opting to go for civil marriage instead of the traditional kind. Even more who really do not give a shit about religion aka if it means leaving my religion for the person I love, then so be it. But. I. Am. Not. Like. That.

    It's not easy and I am certainly not one who is strong enough so why do I do it (again and again)? No, I don't really care about race or family name or status because of the usual 'wow interracial marriage!' 'wow mixed blood!' comments lately. I want to save people. But nobody ever believes me. I don't blame them. In a world where every act of violence by muslims is labelled as terrorism, who would even want to get close to a muslim? Oh but if only people knew the truth.

    Today's diploma class was about marriage - how timely and relevant! I always like to think that I, no, we would be able to pull through. We would be able to make it. But I'm not so sure. It's not easy, but it's worth it. But for someone who has no background whatsoever, it is not even wise for me to be the only reason for converting. Please don't do it because of me, that's the worst reason ever. If leaving you would mean saving you, I would. That's how far I would go. Religion. Is. Always. First.

    Why is life so difficult? No, why am I making life so difficult for myself? Just find someone else who is able to guide me instead of me guiding him. Someone who would be a role model to me and my future generation. Someone who would guide me to the straight path. It is also really attractive when someone asks for your hand in marriage with not gifts but with recitations. Haha I wish. Firstly, my current relationship status does not allow for that. Secondly, nobody would do that for me. </3

    Topped my secondary batch and now taking diploma but look where my life is. Oh, in ruins. Ha ha. I want to be good. I want to have a good future. All I ask for is religion.

    Why can't I say that I'm in love?
    I wanna shout it from the rooftops
    I wish that it could be like that
    Why can't we be like that?

    I want to give up because we both know that we won't make it and you can't do it so let's just face it and stop running away. No I don't fight and we don't fight but we need to stop having this cold war between us. Silence only makes things worse I know we probably have the least violent and unstable relationship but it's also so very uncertain for me I hate waiting I hate not knowing what is your answer. I know it's not easy but if you cannot take it just say so no pressure just be mature about it and don't leave me hanging and hoping against hope.