I am a stupid wreck of emotional mess i dont even know anymore :-) half a day has passed and im still doing no shit thinking and overthinking and running scenarios in my mind for god knows what reason. They make me feel terrible. I feel terrible. What am i doing.

Just gonna console myself with the fact that people will stay if they really mean it :-) and if they leave then thats okay they never really wanted to stay in the first place not like its worth staying in my life hahaha.

Its funny because one month one day ago i changed. I mean there are many junctures in life that ive seriously considered cutting ties but that day was legit really and then my emotions messed up and i ended up the exact opposite of where and what i wanted but by then it was too late it didnt matter what i felt anymore. And it certainly doesnt now either god i feel so stupid i am.

// oh my god girl youve screwed up big time this time round seriously have you ever found anyone with the slightest bit of patience and tolerance for you? no. not even your own family can stand your shit and now youre pushing away that one person who actually has even after major shit and screw ups and me just being immature wow good job. //

The kind of things that i know are how to tell if someone likes you. Like the talking everyday kinda thing even if theres nothing to talk about, the wasting time with me kinda thing, the liking every instagram post, the stalking my blog because hey i dont even talk to anyone everyday or go out and do nothing for like one third of the day, the only people who are my loyal likers on instagram are my primary school classmate and my tutor - both of whom ??? zero chances of anything happening bc awkward - and well nobody even reads my blog anymore bc blogs are so outdated and i MIA-ed for so long hahah and people only read my blog when things crop up which again nobody was there for me and i really genuinely felt like dying but thank you even though you dont know it. And yeah lol seeing me get attached to 728395735 other guys jk but still. God you really screwed up this time.

But the kind of things that i dont know are like friendship and trust bc no, its just not possible how people can genuinely be so nice for no reason, especially so when im not.

Ahh so it is with a very heavy heart that i do this the pain is much like cutting its just so slow and im just staring like what have i done.