The title of this can be and should probably be interpreted in more ways than one sigh. Yeah my studies are so bad I am so sad I wish I really really could do it. I'm trying I really am. And idk keeping all these feelings inside and one day I just break. 2 March is too much for me to handle sigh. Don't wanna be the one crying this time next year. The fear is real.

Help I'm trying to push these stupid thoughts out of my head bc they are really irrational and stupid. Why do I try to distance myself to not get hurt and even make a conscious effort to do so but I cannot bear thinking of really being distant :( I really should not care help. But I do. Anddd also I don't bc it is afterall my own life right. Hahaha and also besides that problem there's still the childhood crush problem which is even more stupid bc it was so long ago and it is more than irrational but I have an even more irrational liking as well as hurt bc I know it will never happen HAHA like really the odds. Yeah some things defy odds but this...nah too much. I also don't wanna think about it sigh am I that lonely that I keep thinking too much!!! I just want somebody sigh. Not anybody but somebody ((I cannot ever bc really really out of my league even I'm embarrassed at myself and my low standing sigh)). And no it's not a material aspect it's religion haha I can never reach that standard not now not ever bc it's too late sigh so ya I need to stop thinking before I do something stupid again. Bye!!! I wish it was real I wish it would last forreal sigh it would be nice.