Somewhere around 2.30am and I can't sleep. Since like an hour ago? I don't know. I don't know why I still bother trying. Trying not to give up. Trying not to give up when the odds are zero. Tomorrow I will wake up just to cry again. Tomorrow I will wake up wishing I never did, just to delay the inevitable.

There's really nothing to say this time. How I feel now isn't going to change tomorrow. It'll just get worse. And I wonder which is hurting more - my head or my heart. I'm slowly forgetting how to human. I'm slowly forgetting what it's like to be happy, to feel loved, because it hurts. It hurts even more than being alone and lonely. It's better to not know happiness than to lose it.

I am not angry. I am so, so sad. Everywhere I look I see your smiling face. I don't want to think anymore. I've lost it. Lost what? I don't know. Your love, my mind, both. I don't want to feel anymore. I know, be careful what you wish for, but it hurts and I've already lost it, it makes no difference.

I blame myself. Should have learnt my lesson. What's the point of keeping track of my life here when I never learn? What's the point of advice when I never listen?

I thought you were different. But boys will be boys. And I, unfortunately, will be me. Can't think rationally anymore but I know I haven't lost it all. God is still with me. People leave, but He never will. And that is why I never, ever will leave Him for anything or anyone else.

I know that someday things will be alright. But I want things to be alright - with you. "If you're not out of my league, then, are you mine?"