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    We're giants in a little man's world.

    Sunday, October 26, 2014 7:44 PM

    WARNING: Old post from weeks ago which I didn't want to delete because may come in useful like now lol.

    I used to be so optimistic even it surprises me now. Like how I used to be optimistic about PW. About my grades. About school in general.

    Now I understand when and why people say that their home isn't a home - it is merely a house. Because I've been feeling that way. Not lately, over a long time. I've been pushing that thought away but it's times like these that I wish I was independent enough to lead a life on my own because it sucks being a burden, even if it isn't intentional. Even if it seems to be alright for others. Because the truth is everyone will, one day, turn back on you and accuse you of something. That's life. That's why you die alone. That's why you're burried alone. Because truly, nobody is there for you. (Wow somehow I end up mentioning death again.)

    Yep okay here's the new stuff :D

    Ugh it's not even the holidays yet but I can't even enjoy myself??? Aka reading a book. What's wrong with reading a book in a few hours at least I can occupy my mind with other thoughts asap instead of dragging which means I'll be more productive BUT OH WELL.

    Starting to think that life is getting worse. Each year seems worse. Starting to think that I should forever remain cold and moody because what's the difference: when I'm happy apparently something is 'wrong'.

    Don't wanna go for a dumb 'holiday' where I get dragged off like right after school on the 14th of November which means that I can't go for SIM 3 on 3 Floorball which really sucks because I never get to do so many things I've planned beforehand. And as a INFJ it really irritates me to have plans ruined. And seriously me forgoing my competition just to go for a dumb 'holiday' to bond with the family when it isn't even bonding because my dad will be away cycling for a few many hours while I probably will sit in the hotel and mug my ass off just like any other 'holiday'. 

    Not that I care honestly I just want these three years to fly by please. Three years from now I'd have finished my Diploma in Islamic Studies and I'd be halfway through Psychology Major at NUS. Three years from now I can haz Jing Jie again. Sigh. It's not so bad I guess. Day #19 of 1095 days. Just kidding it hurts I hate this I hate my grades I hate my life.