I'd like to think of that even though my life is crashing and my world is falling apart. I believed that when I said it during my birthday. Barely half a year ago. God doesn't give me things I cannot handle. But sometimes it just hard to believe.

To be honest, school is killing me. It's not even in full swing yet because H3 research has barely started and Council isn't official yet either. And I'm already falling sick (kinda).

To be honest, the only reason I'm living is because coffee + red bull + panadol keeps me alive. I'm not even alive in all my classes. I'm not even alive during breaks. Or after school. Or before school.

To be honest, I take each day as it comes. I no longer look forward. I can't remember what's left to look backward to. I can't even remember what happened yesterday, what more last week, last month, last year. All my memories are fading, my experiences fleeting. My mind is full of deadlines and expectations. That's all.

To be honest, I miss school. I miss the time when it used to be fun. When I actually enjoyed learning. When I did work not because I have to, but because I wanted to learn. When I go to school happy. When I look forward to school. Don't get me wrong, I still do. Just that many things - everything else - makes me die on the inside.

What is the Singapore education system even.