Shot some shitty shots today which totalled up to 356. I could honestly do waaay better than that even without training just that I was sighting for practically half the time I was shooting. Ohwell goodbye my non-existent stand. Not sure if this spurs me on or further encourages me to quit.

Sigh it hurts. I don't want to inflict scars. What's worse, if it didn't come down to this, I could have done so much better. And now if everything fails it's my fault. I feel so bad. And that is gonna cause a huge disappointment. There I said it.

It's not because of lack or lost of love that I cry. It's the disappointment that I could and should have been a better person. To handle the situation.

What's extremely worst is that I had a nightmare about going home with this NJ senior (guy, obviously). Whom I don't even know. We were kinda good friends. They say we dream of people we've seen before somewhere in our lives. Yes, I've seen him around. But I am so scared. What's with putting such thoughts in my head?

I feel like I'm gonna die. It's stupid because the reason is because of my numerous mosquito (or ant or insect) bites (which accumulate to more than 10). And again, I'm not scared. I just can't bear to leave scars in this world.

Fasting because I have to pay back from last year. Believe me, I want to wake up every morning to eat but that never happens. So this is my third day surviving with only one meal a day. Not saying that I'm gonna die from fasting, I know I won't. Just that it's really, really tiring. Wednesday I was like having dehydration from shooting and running around. Thursday was a hot day and I had to go school again. Friday was shooting internals, like I said above. I feel so damn weak I might just collapse. Not to memtion breaking fast last night with a packet of Peach Green Tea and a packet of Hello Panda. Guess what, stomach upset lol.

The amazing thing is that while fasting, everything is so tempting. Red meat, strawberry ice blend, chocolate, milo, chicken, even boarding food. And when I break fast, I'm like so full after drinking 250ml of anything. But yeah, point is, there's no point. Just wasting your time reading this while I mourn over the temporal loss of a friend, or so we say. Just saying how my life is lately now that i have nobody to say it to.

You were Romeo I was a scarlet letter and my daddy said stay away from Juliet but you were everything to me I was begging you please don't go.